The Beauty Within the Gates
Chapter 121
Overwhelming pain crashed over her, no longer leaving even the smallest gap to breathe. Wen Shuse was drenched in sweat. Her mind was scattered. She did not even know who was beside her, much less that someone stood outside the door. Struggling in that boundless sea of suffering, she silently counted the hours in her heart, not knowing when it would finally end.
In the midst of torment, a voice suddenly reached her ear. “Gao Xian.”
That familiar voice was like something from a dream. Her scattered mind slowly gathered back, and the pain became even clearer.
When Xiangyun heard that voice, she nearly burst into tears. Kneeling beside the bed, she gripped Wen Shuse’s hand and said excitedly, “Young Master is back, Miss. Young Master is back. Miss, hold on a little longer…”
Was it a dream?
A pain that felt as if it were tearing through bone marrow surged from her abdomen. Wen Shuse’s face went pale from the pain. Seeing that the time was about right, the midwife hurriedly said, “Young Madam, it will be soon. First, slowly use strength. Do not rush. Follow this old woman and regulate your breathing…”
The midwife had been obtained by Second Madam from the Empress. She was rich in delivery experience, and the women she delivered did not suffer much afterward. But no matter how good the experience was, one still had to rely on oneself to cross that gate of death.
Though a door separated them, the painful struggle inside could be heard clearly outside. Of the three people outside the door, none spoke.
Second Madam held her breath so tightly that she nearly choked. When she turned her eyes to the side, she saw Xie Shao standing straight before the door. His fingers were clenched into fists, the veins on the backs of his hands bulging. His upper body was hidden within light and shadow, covered by the night, making his expression impossible to see. Presumably, he was nervous too.
Wanting to ease the atmosphere, Second Madam took the initiative to ask him, “When did you come back?”
Xie Shao stood there without moving at all and did not answer, as though he had not heard.
Second Madam took a breath and did not speak again. Turning, she instructed a maid, “Go fetch a clean cloak for the young master.”
The night fell silent for a moment.
Then a loud cry came from inside the room. Second Madam and Ming Wanrou both released a breath, their bodies going weak.
The door was opened from the inside. Ming Wanrou was the first to ask, “Is it a little young master or a little young lady?”
“Replying to the Crown Princess, it is a little young master.”
Ming Wanrou’s face clearly revealed disappointment.
Her daughter-in-law was gone.
Aunt Qing lifted her head to look at Xie Shao, whose whole body was tense as he blocked the doorway. She curtsied and said with a smile, “Congratulations, Third Young Master. Young Madam and son are both safe. Go in and take a look.”
Yet Xie Shao stood there and did not move for a long while.
After the door opened, the lamplight inside spilled out and only then illuminated that face. His expression was haggard, yet beneath it was hidden excitement. A thin layer of mist filled his eyes, already reddened throughout.
From the moment he left, he had missed her every day.
His little wife’s face, his little wife’s smile. When the night was deep, and all was quiet, that longing became bone-devouring. He endured through winter, endured through spring, and day after day, he forced himself through.
Once the war ended, he had no time to remove his armor. He had rushed back on fast horses without stopping, racing toward his little wife, only to see her sooner. Yet now that he had reached her, before this threshold, he suddenly did not know how to step inside.
Guilt and heartache made him unable to move his feet.
During the full ten months of her pregnancy, not one day had he stayed by her side. As the child’s father and her husband, he had not fulfilled even the slightest responsibility of care. He had no face to go in, and he did not know what face he should use to meet her.
The maid hurriedly brought the cloak.
Second Madam took it and draped it over him, tightening the ties. “You are covered in dust. Do not go in and dirty mother and child. Before holding the child, remember to wash your hands first.” She lifted her head and glanced at him, urging, “Go in. Fortunately, you made it in time. If you had not, we would see how Shuse scolded you.”
She ought to scold him.
Xie Shao finally lifted his foot and stepped inside, slowly walking around the screen. The infant’s cries continued, each sound tugging at the heart, making one both hopeful and cautious. So cautious that he did not dare easily lift his head and look.
He had just gone around the screen when Aunt Qing brought over a basin of water. “Young Master, wash your hands first.”
“All right.” Turning, he first handed the scroll in his hand to Xiangyun.
Knowing that the young lady across from him had already seen him, his heart beat wildly, and even his eyelids trembled. Forcing himself to remain calm, he lowered his head and washed both hands clean in the basin, then took the cloth a maid handed over and dried them.
He also adjusted the collar of his cloak. Only after tidying himself properly did he turn his head and lift his eyes toward the young lady lying on the bed.
Several seasons had passed.
The instant he met those eyes, his throat felt as if it had been cut by a knife. His eyes blurred with mist. Only after a long while did he pull up the corners of his lips and say hoarsely, “I am back, Gao Xian.”
From the moment he entered, Wen Shuse had been watching him.
She did not know how long they had been apart. At first, she could still remember the days. Later, once the fingers of both hands were no longer enough to count, she grew too lazy to remember. Now, that figure seemed to appear in the blink of an eye, yet also as if separated from her by several springs and autumns.
When he lifted his head and looked toward her, two streams of tears fell without warning. Her heart tightened, stretched painfully taut. The longing in her heart, the bitterness too, all turned into a rush of grievance in this moment. She pressed her lips together tightly, no longer daring to look at him, and could only turn her head aside.
Footsteps gradually came closer and stopped beside her bed.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him crouch down.
A moment later, the hand lying on the quilt was suddenly touched lightly by a faintly cool temperature. That long-lost touch, both familiar and unfamiliar, was like a stone dropped into the surface of a lake, stirring a pool of spring water waiting for the spring wind. Her heart choked, sour and aching, and tears fell again.
She did not pull away. That palm then hesitantly moved forward, slowly wrapping around hers, tightening little by little until finally, they were firmly held together. That soft, tender touch melted the heart in an instant. His fingertips rubbed the back of her hand again and again, as if only now did everything finally feel real.
He had returned to his little wife’s side.
Soreness surged at the tip of his nose. He lowered his head in time, hiding the tears in his eyes, and apologized again, “Second Wen, I am sorry.”
He had missed her so much. Every moment, every breath, he had missed her.
Wen Shuse turned to look at him, looking at him leaning beside her. Ten months pregnant, without her husband accompanying her through it, she had felt wronged. But now that he apologized, her heart ached for him instead. She wiped away the tear tracks on her face and said softly, “It’s good that you are back.”
Only after the pain in his heart passed did Xie Shao lift his head, carefully studying his little wife’s exhausted face. From her eyes, he found the familiarity of before, and only then did the longing in his eyes release completely.
“Am I ugly now?” Seeing him staring at her, Wen Shuse’s gaze dodged. During the later stages, she had eaten a lot and felt she had grown a whole circle rounder. She had not even dared to look in the mirror.
Xie Shao shook his head. “Beautiful.”
“This is still called beautiful?”
Ever since becoming pregnant, she had not used face cream, nor had she applied rouge or powder. At this moment, exhausted all over, her face probably did not have the slightest blood color.
“Beautiful.” Xie Shao repeated it, reaching out to brush aside the hair stuck to her forehead. His fingers touched the side of her face, and he no longer wanted to move them away. His eyes were full of heartache. “Wife has suffered.”
She truly had suffered. It had hurt too much.
But he was not much better. In the past, his skin had been fine and tender, and that face had been even fairer than hers. Now, it too had been dyed by wind and frost, somewhat darker. The laziness in his eyes had completely faded, revealing determination.
He had matured considerably compared with before.
After looking at him for a while, that subtle unfamiliarity unexpectedly gave rise to a strange shyness within her. Avoiding his gaze, she murmured, “Then treat me better in the future.”
“Mm.” Whatever she asked him to do, he would do. He could give her his life.
Seeing that the two had calmed somewhat, Aunt Qing gave the midwife a look and had her bring the child forward.
The little bundle was no longer crying.
With both eyes open, he turned them left and right, quietly sucking on his own mouth. His appearance was especially endearing. Holding him forward, the midwife smiled and congratulated him, “Third Young Master returned at exactly the right time. Look, the little young master is truly handsome.”
As she spoke, she was about to hand the child in her arms to him.
Xie Shao froze, then hurriedly stood, rather at a loss.
The midwife smiled. “Everyone is like this the first time they become a father. Do not be afraid. Third Young Master, hold him in your arms like this old woman.”
Xie Shao nervously stretched out his hands, still somewhat uneasy.
In Hexi and Hebei, these past months, he did not know how many lives his hands had taken. Yet now, facing such a small life, he nervously held his breath, not daring to use strength as he carefully and cautiously supported him.
The little thing in his arms was too light, so light that he could barely feel that he was already holding him.
He was small too, with a palm-sized head, a little face flushed red, and fine downy hair on his face. His eyes stayed open for a while, then slowly closed, as if he was terribly tired. In the blink of an eye, he had fallen asleep again.
This was his and his little wife’s son.
Such a small thing, yet he had the ability to soften a person’s heart. Even a brave man from the battlefield had no resistance at this moment. His hands did not dare use force, afraid he might hurt him, but likewise did not dare relax, afraid he might drop him.
Yet the little bundle lazily yawned in his arms, his fingers moving lightly. That adorable softness struck straight into the bottom of his heart.
His heart melted, and his eyes reddened too.
“Has Husband looked enough?”
Seeing him not move for a long while, Wen Shuse reminded him, “I have not seen him yet.”
“Oh, right.” Only then did Xie Shao come back to himself. Slowly, he crouched down and very carefully placed the little baby beside Wen Shuse. “Can Wife see him?”
“Mm.” Wen Shuse fixed her eyes on him.
When he was still inside her belly, she had been curious what he would look like. Would he resemble her more, or his father more? Now that she saw him, she could not tell whom he resembled.
She only saw that the little fellow’s eyes were closed, sleeping extremely sweetly. His little nose and little mouth, his mouth really was small, probably only the size of the pad of her finger.
“Why does he not resemble either of us?”
Xie Shao disagreed. “He resembles Wife.”
“How can you tell?”
“By his spirit.”
Wen Shuse: …
She gave a weak laugh. He was still shameless, saying anything to please her.
The midwife at the side smiled. “Young Master is still small. Once he grows out a little in the future, you will know whom he resembles. Let the wet nurse take the little young master first. Young Madam has just given birth and is still weak. Lie down properly for a while.”
The wet nurse had long been waiting. After hearing this, she quickly came forward to hold the baby.
Xie Shao stood and made room. Just as he was about to sit, the midwife said again, “Third Young Master should also withdraw for now. This old woman has not yet finished tending to Young Madam.”
Xie Shao looked toward Wen Shuse, not quite wanting to leave.
Wen Shuse also did not want him to stay. She did not want him to see the aftermath. Teasing him, she said, “You weren’t the one laboring. What are you afraid of?”
She looked him over and could tell he had returned in haste. “Husband has not changed clothes yet, has he? Change first, then come back.”
He indeed carried dust from the entire road.
He turned to Xiangyun and took back the scroll from her hands. Bending, he placed it at Wen Shuse’s bedside. “For Wife. I will put it here first.”
After he left, Wen Shuse finally turned her eyes to the side.
The scroll had jade rods for its axis and silk for its surface. She did not need to open it to know what it was.
He had done it. All the promises he had painted for her, he had given them all.
Once, with one sentence that she did not want to accompany him in hardship, she had forced him into officialdom, sitting in the position of deputy commander of the Cavalry Office. To win military merit, he had nearly lost his life, yet he had also earned for her the glory of a third-rank madam.
She had heard all about the war in Hexi and Hebei from her elder brother. He, Xie Shao, had likewise fought with his life. Behind the words “safe, do not worry” in his letters were blades and sword light. If he had taken even one wrong step, lost even one move, he would have been crushed to pieces.
When the new Emperor ascended the throne, his public identity was still that of an adopted son. If he wanted to stabilize the court and the realm, he had to establish authority. It was true at court, and at the border, deterrence was even more necessary. The turmoil in Hexi and Hebei happened to be an opportunity for the new Emperor to establish his prestige.
Once there was an opportunity, there had to be a person.
Because of the matter of the Empress Dowager, the Yang family had already developed estrangement from the new Emperor. The only people the new Emperor could trust were the Xie family.
Xie Shao was gambling, and the new Emperor was gambling too, gambling that he could pacify Hexi and Hebei and win a great battle against Liao. If the gamble succeeded, the new Emperor not only established authority but could also use the Xie family’s people openly and justifiably.
If the merit of pacifying Hexi and Hebei was not enough, then taking back several cities seized by Liao, rescuing tens of thousands of displaced commoners, and making Liao voluntarily sign a ceasefire treaty, such merit would have surpassed even General Yang back then and would have been sufficient to earn the highest reward.
Moreover, each reign had its own ministers. If the new Emperor wanted to confer honors on him, who would dare object?
His birth had destined his official career to be anything but ordinary.
This was the protective talisman her husband had fought for with his life and his own ability. Wen Shuse did not open it. She tightly held that scroll in her hand. She was truly exhausted. After the midwife finished tending to her body, she fell into a deep sleep.
When she woke, the sky was already bright. Sensing that the scroll in her hand was gone, she instinctively reached for it. “It is here. It is not lost.”
Seeing her open her eyes and search in panic, Xie Shao hurriedly stuffed the scroll back into her hand and asked softly, “Are you hungry?”
They had originally agreed to wait for him to come back, but unexpectedly, she had slept through the entire night. She looked at him apologetically. “Did Husband rest?”
“I rested.” After washing last night, he had lain beside her bed for the whole night. Seeing that she held the scroll all night without letting go, to the point that marks had been left on her face, he had gently drawn it from her hand.
Unexpectedly, the moment he moved it away, she woke.
Early in the morning, Second Madam had people prepare light, easily swallowed food. Xie Shao helped her sit up and placed a large pillow behind her. Then he rose and went outside to bring a bowl of fish congee.
Though she was somewhat weak, her hands could still move. Unused to someone else feeding her, she reached out to take it.
“I will do it.” Xie Shao did not let go. Lifting his head to look at her, he sincerely said, “Please let me. I dreamed of feeding you.”
Ever since he learned she was pregnant, every additional day of delay had been torture for him. All the days he had missed, he would slowly make up for them.
Knowing he felt guilty, Wen Shuse did not move again and let him feed her spoonful by spoonful. Last night, the lamplight had been blurry, and she had been too excited to properly look at his face.
Now, after bathing, her husband had changed into a new set of clothes. It was still a green, round-collared robe, but much more noble than the one from last night. The shoulders were embroidered with gold-thread cloud patterns, and his hair was bound with a jade crown. Sitting upright beside her bed, he held the emerald porcelain bowl in his hand for a while, steady and firm, without the slightest tremble.
Her husband was still that husband, yet he was also different. At some unknown time, the greenness on his body had faded away. The steadiness seeping from his bones carved the edges of his features even more clearly.
The wind of the west had not made him haggard. Instead, he had grown more handsome.
Sensing her gaze, Xie Shao lifted his eyes and looked at her gently. “What is it?”
Wen Shuse did not lie. “Just looking at you.”
Xie Shao smiled. “You do not recognize me?”
That smile of his finally dyed Wen Shuse’s cheeks red. She turned her gaze away and swallowed the meat congee he fed her, mumbling, “Mm. You are better-looking.”
Looking at her rosy cheeks, warmth surged in Xie Shao’s heart. The corners of his lips lifted slightly. After feeding the last mouthful of congee into her mouth, he straightened, moved a little closer, and said to her in a low voice, “Look as much as you like.”
Wen Shuse glanced at his smiling eyes, and her heart thumped wildly. When he told her to look, she no longer had the courage to look.
Instead, he was the one looking at her.
After being stared at for a while, her face had already begun to burn. She could only change the topic. “Has Husband eaten?”
“I am not hungry yet.”
“Oh. Even if you are not hungry, you should eat something.”
Seeing that she still had not loosened up, Xie Shao no longer teased her and asked, “Are you full?”
“Mm, full.”
Xie Shao rose to put away the bowl. When he turned back, he saw her staring at the scroll in her hands.
She had held the scroll all night, yet its seal had still not been opened. Presumably, she already knew what was inside. He sat back down beside her and asked softly, “Not going to open it?”
She would look, but… “Since Husband gave it to me, Husband should open it with me.”
Yesterday, when Xie Shao returned to the Eastern Capital, he had not even had time to change before hurriedly entering the palace to report precisely because he wanted to request this grace, so he could give it to her as a gift when he returned home.
When the Emperor gave it to him, he had already seen it.
“All right.” Xie Shao took it, glanced at the bed, and asked, “Can I sit?”
Of course, he could. After going out once, he had suddenly become polite. Wen Shuse moved inward.
Xie Shao sat on the bed, supporting her body from behind. Half his arm touched her shoulder. Seeing that she did not reject him, he moved a little closer, half embracing her as he unfolded the imperial mandate he had promised the young lady.
When Wen Shuse saw the seven-colored silk, her heart jumped. A little nervous, she first asked, “What rank?”
“First rank.”
Wen Shuse was stunned; even Chancellor Xie was only second rank.
“Father resigned today.”
Once the Yuan clan fell, General Yang took over the Chancellor Office. Father returned to his former position and controlled the Department of State Affairs. After the new Emperor ascended the throne, the court’s situation became divided into two forces: the Xie family and the Yang family. But compared with the Yang family, Father had many students from his early years, and his influence at court clearly held the advantage.
Yet precisely because of this, the Xie family’s situation was more difficult. A network too broad, how was that not also a kind of restraint? Although the late Emperor had pretended to dismiss Chancellor Xie in those early years, the fact that his students had committed offenses was real.
If the Xie family still wanted to continue forward, they had to cast off these chains that seemed beneficial to the Xie family.
No matter how close the relationship, the boundary between ruler and subject had to be clearly distinguished. On this point, the Xie family could think more openly than the Yang family.
Compared with a subject’s restraining influence over court connections, the ruler of a country would be more willing to grant high office and a noble title to that subject. Therefore, Chancellor Xie had not blindly formed factions as the Yang family had.
He had always been waiting, waiting for Xie Shao to return with merit. The day Xie Shao returned was also the moment he would resign.
A heavy minister who had influenced two emperors removed the layers of relationship networks wrapped around himself and returned them to the court. As a wise new Emperor, naturally, this was something he was happy to see.
At the same time, the new Emperor gave the Xie family another road. He appointed Xie Shao as Minister of the Department of State Affairs, a first-rank official, granted him the title of Duke, and awarded him the highest honor of Supreme Pillar of State.
A situation where both sides benefited, both the new Emperor and the Xie family were satisfied. These rewards had already been issued last night. After Chancellor Xie resigned at the morning court today, the new Emperor would announce them. As for the imperial mandate in his hand, it was something he had separately requested from the new Emperor.
Once, his little wife had pulled him out of the mud. Now, his glory would forever have her share. He wanted to give her a lifetime of wealth and honor. He would do as he said.
Although Wen Shuse could understand his explanation, still… Her husband was twenty-two. She was only eighteen.
A first-rank titled madam… would this not be a little too showy? But this was something her husband had risked his life for. So, what if it were showy?
Seeing her dazed, Xie Shao reached out and lightly tapped the tip of her nose. Pretending to look helpless, he teased her, “What is it? Still not enough? Then your husband should go usurp the throne.”
Wen Shuse turned and covered his mouth with one hand. “Enough, enough.”
How many first-rank titled madams could there be in one dynasty? Even Second Madam did not have one, yet she did. What else could she be dissatisfied with?
Her warm, soft palm covered his lips. The distance between them narrowed, and their reflections appeared in each other’s eyes. The longing suppressed in their hearts finally could no longer be held back.
Xie Shao looked deeply at her. “Can I hold you?”
“Mm.” Heavens knew how long she had waited for this embrace.
When her belly was large, she had even thought about what it would be like when he returned and how the two of them should embrace. She had hoped and longed, waiting until spring warmed and flowers bloomed, until summer cicadas cried. Finally, she had waited until her husband came back.
How could she not let him hold her?
Wen Shuse took the initiative to lean over, wrapping both hands around his waist. Her face lay against his solid chest. It was no longer the vague illusion from dreams. Everything was real. She could clearly hear his heartbeat.
“Gao Xian.”
“Mm.”
“I missed you so much.” That was a confession from the bottom of his heart.
Wen Shuse’s nose turned sour. She buried her head in his arms, finally finding that warmth she could rely on with complete peace. In a muffled voice, she said, “I know.”
“Did you miss me?”
“More than you know.”
Xie Shao tightened his arms, holding her firmly in his embrace. He lowered his head and breathed in the scent on her body. After a long while, he said again, “Can I kiss you?”
“Mm.”
The End