The Beauty Within the Gates
Chapter 75
But she waited and waited, until the sun went down, until the sky grew dark, until the moon rose to the tips of the branches, and still no sign of him.
Seeing her nodding off in the round-backed chair, head dropping again and again, Aunt Qing urged, “Madam, go to bed. I will keep watch. If Master returns, I’ll wake you.”
She’d hardly slept the night before, and she truly couldn’t hold out any longer. Wen Shuse went to bed, and when she opened her eyes again, it was already the next morning.
Xie Shao had not come home all night.
Wen Shuse sat at the dressing table while Aunt Qing combed her hair, stealing glances at the bronze mirror. Seeing the strain on her face, she said softly, “Minzhang came back late last night. He said the young master has only just gone into the military camp. There are many things he isn’t yet familiar with, and he’ll be busy for a few days. The young master said you should rest early, and there’s no need to wait up for him.”
Wen Shuse said nothing.
The sour ache in her heart was not an easy thing to swallow.
What pressing duty could possibly require him to be at it deep in the night, when everyone else had gone to sleep? Plainly, he was avoiding her. He simply didn’t want to see her.
“Don’t worry, Madam. Uncle Wen has made inquiries. Young Master truly did stay overnight at the military camp. He didn’t go anywhere else…”
Because if he had, this marriage would likely have come to an end.
Wen Shuse lowered her eyes and asked suddenly, in a small voice, “Aunt Qing… do you think he won’t like me anymore?”
Those eyes from two nights ago, so cold, so unfeeling. Just thinking of them made her heart clench.
That he was willing to take up an official post meant her efforts hadn’t all been in vain. She should have been glad. And yet, things being what they were, she couldn’t summon a single moment of cheer.
What young woman doesn’t wish to marry a husband who stands head and shoulders above other men? But what man, in turn, doesn’t wish for a wife who will willingly walk through hardship at his side?
Even that small bit of affection born from sharing hardship had been strangled cleanly by a few words of hers. Their marriage had been a mistake from the very beginning. On what grounds should she get to enjoy the benefits just because he had become an official…
He had already begun staying out for the night. If things went on like this, would he soon hand her a divorce letter?
Aunt Qing paused. This young lady of hers had been full of spirit since childhood, always wearing a smiling face, no matter whom she met. It was rare to see her so dispirited.
At first, marrying into the Xie family and becoming the Third Young Master’s wife had truly been born of helplessness. She had originally planned to simply make do and live on. But living together day in and day out, weathering an ordeal side by side, it seemed her young lady had taken him to heart after all. And once a heart turned soft, the bones turned soft with it. Unable to bear seeing her lady suffer, Aunt Qing said gently, “Miss is so good. Who would not like you? As the saying goes, husband and wife quarrel at the head of the bed and make up at the foot. If Young Master becomes forever estranged from Miss over a few harsh words, then that is his own lack of fortune.”
Wen Shuse did not know whether she had taken it in or not. After breakfast, she remembered the two robes she had washed yesterday. They were already old and worn, and in an impulse, she had Aunt Qing go to the shop and buy several bolts of cloth so she could make her husband a set of clothes.
Though she did not know how to cut the fabric, she did know needlework. She only needed Aunt Qing to teach her a little.
She hurried into his room and found an old robe. Once she set her mind to it, she acted at once. Following the measurements, she cut and sewed, burying her head in the work from morning until dusk. At lunch, she only took two hasty bites and barely bothered to eat.
By twilight, an entirely new robe had finally been finished.
It was a bright sapphire-blue, overlapping-collared long robe, paired with a half-sleeved outer garment of the same color with a standing collar. Time was tight, so there was no chance to embroider any elaborate patterns. Only two rows of green bamboo had been stitched along the lapels.
Though simple, every stitch had been sewn by Wen Shuse’s own hands.
In all her life, she had only ever embroidered handkerchiefs and pouches for family. She had never made clothes for anyone before. Unexpectedly, her first attempt had turned out so successful. The more she looked at the robe, the more she liked it. Even she herself was moved by her own virtuousness, and she asked Aunt Qing with bright delight, “Will he like it?”
Aunt Qing smiled. “Since Miss made it, Young Master will surely like it.”
Because of this robe, Wen Shuse’s mood improved again. “We are family, after all. We’ll see each other whether we look up or look down. We can’t keep refusing to speak forever. When he comes back today, I’ll lower my head first.”
Aunt Qing breathed a sigh of relief.
Among the three young ladies of the Wen family, the reason Old Madam Wen especially liked this young lady was not truly because she was biased. It was simply that this young lady was genuinely likable.
No matter what happened, she would never stay sad for more than a day. She would always be the first to figure things out on her own, like a ray of sunlight shining down from above, making it impossible for those around her to sink completely into gloom.
“Very well. Miss has been tired all day. Rest for a while first. I will go prepare wine and dishes. Tonight, Miss and Young Master can have a proper talk.”
Wen Shuse did not idle either. After bathing and changing, she especially put on the ru-style she had spent a great sum to have newly rushed out yesterday.
Nervously, she waited for him to return. She waited until darkness fell, until the gauze lanterns in the courtyard had all been hung. She kept looking left and right, but in the end, she saw only Minzhang. Behind him, there was still no sign of her husband.
The eager spirit she’d kept stoked all day went out with a sudden hiss, like a dampened flame.
Minzhang came down from the passageway with a bundle in his hand. He came in and held it out to her. “The two new outfits Third Young Madam made last time are finished. Master told me to bring them back to Third Young Madam.”
Wen Shuse did not take them. “He’s not coming home again?”
Minzhang lowered his eyes. “There are too many official duties. Master, he…”
“Mm. He has just taken office, so he is indeed very busy.” It was as if something in her heart had suddenly been pulled away, leaving an empty space. Only when she came back to herself did she notice the pain in her chest.
Never before had anyone been able to make her feel so miserable. She hated this feeling intensely. “Fine. Tell him that if he does not come back tonight, I will do as he wishes. Tomorrow, I will go seek my own way out.”
Whatever happens, happens.
She turned and handed the set of robes beside her to Minzhang. “The robe you’re wearing is old, too. Today, I had someone prepare a set for you. Take it and wear it.”
—
After his shift had ended, Xie Shao had stayed behind at the training ground with Xu Xun. Only when the sky had grown dark did the two of them dismount, drenched in sweat from head to toe, sweat that left them feeling clean-scoured and clear.
Xu Xun handed the spear in his hand to the attendant beside him and looked toward Xie Shao, appreciation in his eyes. “Couldn’t tell at all. Third Young Master looks all fair skin and tender flesh, but you’re not just an empty shell.”
“Commander Xu flatters me. I enjoy hunting in my spare time and make a point to train as well.”
Xu Xun, still feeling the exhilaration, said, “Let’s call it a day here. We’ll continue tomorrow.” As they walked out, he noticed that Xie Shao did not seem to be making any move to leave the camp. He turned and asked, “What, Third Young Master, are you staying at the camp again tonight?”
Xie Shao nodded. “Commander Xu, please go ahead.”
Xu Xun did not sense anything amiss. Speaking from his own experience as a married man, he offered a word of advice, “Though it’s good to spend more time with the men when you first arrive, don’t go making Third Young Madam unhappy.”
Once a woman grew angry, reason alone was rarely enough to smooth things over.
“I understand.”
After seeing Commander Xu off, Xie Shao returned to his quarters. The camp was crowded and cramped. The ordinary cavalrymen were packed together on large communal bunks.
But as a Commander, he had a small room to himself.
After bathing, with nothing much left to do, he lay down on the bed. The moment he closed his eyes, that young lady’s face appeared before him. “Husband…”
He snapped his eyes open with a start, forcefully shoving both her heartless face and her voice out of his mind, forcing himself to fall asleep.
Yet even after he drifted off, he still saw the young lady’s face. At first, she smiled at him brightly, taking out an embroidered handkerchief to gently dab the sweat from his brow. “Husband, are you tired?”
Then, in the span of a breath, her expression twisted. She looked at him with utter ruthlessness. “Don’t delude yourself. I don’t like you one bit…”
The dream dragged reality along with it. Panic and pain surged together in his chest, jolting him awake in an instant.
When he opened his eyes, the moonlight was still bright outside the window. He had only slept a short while.
He pressed his fingers to his temple. He’d never imagined he would, in this lifetime, be undone at the hands of a young woman and a cruel-hearted one at that. It wasn’t enough that she carved out his heart in the waking world, but even in dreams, she refused to let him be.
But who told him to go and fall for her? Other than suffering and feeling miserable by himself, what could he do to her?
If he couldn’t afford to provoke her, at least he could keep his distance. Surely that much was possible. Yet even when he fled to the ends of the earth, she could still slip into his dreams and stab at him there.
He rose, poured himself a cup of tea, tilted his head back, and drained it. The restlessness in his chest had not yet eased when Minzhang returned.
—
After speaking those words to Minzhang, Wen Shuse didn’t keep waiting either.
She’d hardly eaten all day, and seeing how lovely the moonlight was that night, she had Aunt Qing bring a wooden table out into the courtyard, lay out the wine and dishes that had been prepared, and set about admiring the moon while tucking heartily into her food.
She was just settling into the comfort of body and spirit when, beneath the gauze lanterns of the corridor opposite, a figure came into view.
A moon-white robe, a little worn, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders straight as a brushstroke, his elegant bearing utterly unhurried, as though he held nothing of this world in any particular regard. Who else could it be but her husband, who hadn’t bothered to come home all night?
Xie Shao, on the other side, naturally noticed her as well.
After hearing what Minzhang had told him, he’d assumed she’d been throwing a tantrum. His heart had even skipped a beat, a flicker of expectation that perhaps his absence had caused her some small distress.
Who would have known that when he reached the courtyard, this was the scene he would find?
On a night of clear breeze and full moon, sipping a cup of wine to the bright moon above. What was that, if not the life of an immortal?
She was carefree and at her ease as could be. The only one suffering here was him.
Wen Shuse’s gaze stayed fixed on him. Seeing that the person across from her seemed to notice her stare, he suddenly stopped mid-step and stood there motionless. Worse than that, after a moment’s pause, he actually turned around and went back the way he’d come.
What was that supposed to mean?
Wen Shuse stared in astonishment. Was the point of it to parade himself in front of her, then vanish again, just to tell her that he had come back?
Was he tired? Was this not utterly awkward?
With her fill of wine and food, her wandering husband finally returned. She lifted her head again to look at the moon and somehow, all at once, it shone all the brighter for it.
Even if he had only come to give her a fleeting glimpse, at least he’d come back. Since he’d handed her a ladder, she might as well take the chance to climb down. There was no need to pursue the matter further.
Tonight’s wine had been sent over by Uncle Wen from Mixian Tower. It was sweet and fragrant on the tongue, every bit as fine as anything from Zui Xiang Pavilion. Knowing he loved his wine, she picked up the half-pot wine that was left, got to her feet, and headed over to bring it to him. She found the room where the lamp was still lit and knocked twice on the door. “Husband, are you asleep?”
For a long moment, no answer came. Though beneath the lamplight, she could see a figure moving inside.
Knock, knock. Two more knocks. “Husband…”
On the third knock, the door at last opened from within. There he stood in the doorway, that same cold face that held the world at arm’s length.
There was really no need for this. “Husband.”
As she always had, she reached out to take hold of his sleeve. But as her hand moved toward him, he, without the slightest change of expression, simply pulled his sleeve out of reach. His tone was distant. “It’s late. Young Lady Wen, please return to your room.”
Before Wen Shuse could even react, the door that had only just opened was shut in her face once more.
She stared at the wood of the door, no more than five fingers’ breadth from the tip of her nose, frozen for a long moment. Then a surge of fury came rushing up to her brow.
There’s a saying that every pitiful soul has within them something hateful, too.
She couldn’t be bothered with him.
She turned and started back the way she’d come, but after a few steps, the anger in her chest still hadn’t settled. If she went back like this, she’d be sure to lie awake all night again. She’d never been one to carry a grudge into the next day.
So, she turned right around. The door being shut was no great matter. There were still those windows alongside it, weren’t there?
She walked up to the one with his shadow showing through, planted her feet, and began shoving with all her strength, trying to pry the window open even a crack.
Inside the room, Xie Shao was about to blow out the lamp. He hadn’t expected the heartless little creature to come charging back, and now she was prying at his window. His temple twitched. He stepped forward and pulled the wooden latch open. “Young Lady Wen…”
The instant he loosed the latch, half of Wen Shuse came tumbling in.
Perfect. Up close, her courage came back in full force. She tilted her head up to glare straight at him, all civility gone. “Young Lady Wen, Young Lady Wen… and what about Master Xie?” Not giving him a chance to respond, she pressed on at once, “Master Xie, may I ask, do you intend to break your word?”
That single Master Xie finally cracked, just slightly, the calm and unmoving face he’d held for two days running. “What word have I broken?”
She’d been waiting for him to ask. “The other night, didn’t you say it yourself? That the Xie family’s ruin was your own doing, your own indolence and idleness, and that it had nothing to do with me?”
He had no idea what she was driving at, but he wouldn’t deny words he himself had spoken. “I did.”
“And didn’t you also say that you felt guilty toward me because you hadn’t made good on the promise you gave me on our wedding night, hadn’t given me the kind of life you’d vowed?”
Xie Shao understood now. So that night, those were the words she’d taken to heart, and as for what she herself had said, she remembered nothing?
His eyes fell to the wine pot in her hand. His temples were pounding. “Are you not living well?”
The little wife didn’t deny it. “Oh, I’m doing fine. But Husband isn’t happy.”
How wonderful, how very wonderful. She’d finally grown eyes enough to see that he wasn’t happy.
Before he could even let out a breath of relief, the little wife continued, “But what does Husband have to be unhappy about? On the very first night, I scorned Husband as useless, on the very first day, Husband became an official of the fifth rank, second class, a post in the capital, no less. If anything, you’ve slapped me right across the face. You should be delighted. You ought to seize the moment to mock me, tilt your chin and say, ‘Sooner mock a white-bearded old man than mock a young man in his poverty.’“
A faint look of astonishment was spreading across Xie Shao’s face.
His cold-hearted little wife really lived up to the name. He genuinely hadn’t thought of that one.
It was a brilliant approach, too.
Just as he was mulling over how to take it freshly into his arsenal and turn it back on her, the little wife was already gazing at him with what could only be called regret. “Such a pity. Husband has missed the best chance at revenge. I’ve grown impervious to it now.”
Xie Shao had long known what a sharp tongue she had. Before, she’d turned it on others. Now, at last, she’d sunk her teeth into him.
So long as he refused to listen, refused to give her the opening to perform, she could not have her way. With a cold voice, he ordered her to leave, “Young Lady Wen, climbing through a man’s window in the dead of night, have you no shame at all? Get out!”
“And whose window did I climb?” Wen Shuse’s cheeks were now plainly flushed with wine, and she would not let him off. “I climbed my own husband’s window. What is more proper than that? What shame is there in it? It’s Husband sitting there with that face, neither eyes nor nose, who exactly are you sulking at? Me?” She had been halfway out the window already, but seeing him try to chase her off, she promptly shoved her head back in. “Sorry to disappoint, but Husband can’t anger me. The more Husband behaves this way, the happier I am.” With that, the little wife let out two ringing laughs. “I’m curious, what does Husband mean to do next? A fifth-rank, second-class official, only eighty strings of cash a month. That’s a long, long way from the good life I had in mind.”
Ignoring the fact that her husband’s face had gone from red to white, she pressed on. “Husband wasn’t here today, so I went to the Wen residence. The new ru-skirt my sister-in-law bought was so beautiful.” Her eyes brimmed with envy, and she sighed. “And my eldest cousin gave his wife a pair of jade earrings as a gift. White jade like that which I haven’t seen the equal of in all my life.”
After two days of avoiding her, Xie Shao at last lifted his eyes and looked her full in the face. This little wife of his, who had taken vanity and worldliness to their absolute extreme. His voice came out unsteady. “And what do you expect? Am I to leap to the heavens in a single bound?”
“Is Husband telling me to wait? Then I’m afraid I cannot wait that long. It is not that I cannot wait, but rather that Husband’s heart makes one feel terribly uneasy. I am afraid that after planting a melon seed with my own hands, only for someone else to come along and pluck it at harvest.”
“What do you mean?”
“Does Husband not understand? I am plainly questioning whether you are a heartless man, to have changed your heart so quickly.”
She truly did like turning the tables on others.
“How am I a heartless man?” She had probably said it backward. If she were a man, who knew how many young ladies would cry their eyes blind because of her…
“You treat the wife who once risked her life to accompany you with cold eyes. How are you not a heartless man?”
On this matter, he would never have the ground to argue. In the end, he was the one who owed his little wife. Suppressing the anger that had nearly given him heart failure from her words, he said, “What do you want?”
“Husband shouldn’t put it like that. What could I ask Husband to do? As a husband, one bears responsibility toward his wife, and then duty toward his children. To care for one’s wife and children, that is what makes a true man. Husband should think carefully. What, then, is a husband’s responsibility toward his wife? Is it not to ask after his wife’s warmth and cold, and to cherish and protect her?”
Xie Shao was struck speechless. Whatever was left of his composed expression had been thoroughly muddled into something else entirely.
After a long moment of shock, he looked at her in disbelief. “You want me to satisfy your vanity and hold you dear in my heart as well? My apologies, but in all the years I have lived, I have never seen someone so greedy.”
“How can I not be greedy? What is wrong with grasping money in one hand and the heart in the other? Husband is my husband. Are these not all things you ought to give me?” She looked at him in puzzled astonishment. “Unless Husband has other ideas. To split money and affection into two sides, giving money and reputation to me, while handing your feelings to some young lady outside. If that is so, then that young lady would truly be pitiful. A man’s mouth is a lying ghost. Feelings and such are the most unreliable things of all.”
See? In her eyes, a sincere heart was truly worthless.
After all this time together, only now did he realize the woman simply didn’t have a heart at all.
Xie Shao drew in a long, cold breath and dragged the conversation back from where she’d led it astray with considerable effort. “This is sheer raving nonsense. What other young lady are you talking about?”
“With Husband’s current attitude, it’s only a matter of time.”
Xie Shao finally lost his hold on himself, his words clipping the air. “Crying thief while being the thief. Are you trying to find yourself an easy excuse to seek a way out?”
In response, the little wife treated him to a smile so infuriating it could have killed a man. “Husband really is clever. I can hardly hang myself on a red apricot tree that may stretch its branches over the wall at any moment now, can I? Don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll go and start looking.”
And as if that weren’t enough, she added, in a tone of great relief, “Fortunately, Husband is a perfect gentleman. From the day we married until now, I’ve remained a chaste woman. Granted, I’ve been nibbled on once or twice, but nothing serious. I’ll think of it as having had my mouth licked by a stray kitten. No real harm done…”
In all his life, Xie Shao had never known what it was to see stars before his eyes. His little wife was a master at it, truly.
His chest felt as though it might split open. Nothing short of swallowing her whole, raw, would have satisfied him.
Across from him, the little wife seemed to realize that her words had been deeply inappropriate. She abruptly fell silent, her gaze fluttering guiltily upward to steal a quick glance at her husband.
Sure enough, his face was like a storm cloud, dark and heavy, more frightening than at any moment yet. Plain enough to see, he was truly furious now.
A wise person knew when to recognize the times. If she lingered any longer, she’d be the one to pay for it. Slowly, carefully, she eased her head back out of the window.
And then she turned and bolted back into the courtyard.
The sound of her husband’s footsteps quickly followed behind her. Wen Shuse gathered up her skirt and hurried along as fast as her legs could carry her, but the distance between them kept shrinking all the same.
She glanced back over her shoulder at the storm-faced man behind her, her heart hammering. “You… what are you doing? Why are you following me? Let me tell you… Don’t you come another step. Moving out is easy, but moving back in, that’s another matter entirely. Tonight, I am not letting you into my room.”
It didn’t seem to be working.
For the last stretch, she had no choice but to run flat-out. Fortunately, she reached the door quickly. Bang… She slammed it shut behind her and slid the bolt home in one neat motion.
Her husband was locked outside. “Open the door.”
Wen Shuse, knowing he couldn’t get in now, felt her fear ease a little. Her tongue grew bold again. “Won’t open, won’t open, won’t open. If Husband wants to come in, you’d better give up that hope.”
Xie Shao paced in a circle at the door. He simply could not swallow this down. With a wife like this, all considerations of propriety had gone out the window. He reached out and shoved the door.
Wen Shuse jumped, bracing her back hard against it, panic rising. “What are you doing? Husband, doesn’t this strike you as rather unbecoming of a gentleman?”
The voice on the other side seemed to come grinding from between his teeth, mimicking her own brand of shamelessness from a moment ago. “You flatter me, Wife. A husband breaking down his own wife’s door, what’s more proper than that?”
Behind her, the door gave another shove, and her body lurched forward with it. All her courage promptly deserted her. She rushed to coax him, “Well… It’s getting late. Husband still has his work tomorrow. They say the Imperial Guard Cavalry Command is no easy work, one careless moment and a man can lose his life. Husband should rest well, conserve his strength…”
Suddenly, the door went still.
She hadn’t even let out her breath of relief when one of the windows alongside the door suddenly began to rattle.
Wen Shuse’s eyes went wide. She rushed over and threw herself against it, bracing it shut. ” Third Xie, don’t you do anything reckless. Forcing your way in like this is going too far.”
The man outside stopped shoving. “Second Wen, open the door if you’ve got the nerve.”
Wen Shuse shook her head furiously. At times when she should not act tough, she did not act tough at all. She immediately said, “I haven’t got the nerve.”
Earlier, when the two of them had been quarreling out in the courtyard with only a window between them, Aunt Qing and Minzhang had both been within earshot. They’d been listening with their hearts in their throats already, but neither had dared step in.
Now, seeing how the situation was escalating, they rushed over. And what a sight they came upon.
Seeing that the Young Master was about to climb through the window, Aunt Qing panicked, and she turned urgently to Minzhang. “Madam has been drinking tonight. Whatever she said cannot be taken at face value. Hurry, restrain the Young Master before this gets worse.”
Minzhang knew well enough that these two masters of his were each more formidable than the other. If they truly came to blows tonight, there’d be no putting things back together. He had no choice but to step up and grab hold of Xie Shao. “Young Master, please calm yourself. Third Young Madam is drunk.”
Xie Shao had never seen a drunk person with such clear logic and such a sharp tongue.
She had set out to vex him to death.
Hauled back by Minzhang, Xie Shao was still breathing hard. The bottled-up grievance and misery of the last two days had at last found their outlet. He glared at the window in front of him, grinding his teeth. “If I don’t deal with her tonight, then my surname isn’t Xie.”