In the evening, Jiang Mu had a relatively peaceful dinner with Jiang Yinghan and Chris, although she didn’t say much throughout the meal. The atmosphere was mostly kept alive by Chris’s broken Chinese.
Finally, Chris said, “Let’s all cheer up. Isn’t Chinese New Year supposed to be a happy time?”
He raised his glass and said, “Happy New Year.”
Jiang Yinghan also raised her glass, and Jiang Mu followed suit, saying, “Happy New Year.”
That night, Jiang Mu returned to the single room Jiang Yinghan had arranged for her. Before bed, Jiang Yinghan knocked on her door and sat in her room for a while. She said to Jiang Mu, “What I said during the day might have been a bit harsh, but you have to think about who I’m doing all this for. In the years right after your father left, I had no money and no job. Later, I made a little from the lottery, but your monthly guzheng lessons and tutoring classes cost thousands. Can you understand that?”
Jiang Mu sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes downcast, and nodded. Jiang Yinghan moved to sit beside her and patted the back of her hand. “Everyone has their own destiny. Jin Chao is a smart kid, but there are plenty of smart people out there. Not everyone can succeed. I know you were close to him when you were young, but you need to know your limits. The paths you and he will take in the future are different, understand?”
This time, Jiang Mu didn’t nod. She remained motionless and silent, listening as Jiang Yinghan continued to console her for a while before leaving.
There was no further conversation that night. The next morning, Jiang Mu had a calm breakfast with Jiang Yinghan. She even asked about Chris’s family. Jiang Yinghan was happy to share these details with Jiang Mu, thinking that after a night, her daughter had finally come around. Although she might not be ready to accept Chris right away, she at least seemed willing to try to understand him.
However, what Jiang Yinghan didn’t expect was that after checking out, Jiang Mu, holding her luggage and carrying a backpack, said to Jiang Yinghan and Chris, “I won’t be going back to Suzhou with you for the New Year. The school only gave us a week off, and traveling back and forth would mean it’s almost time to start school again. It’s too much hassle. I want to rest a bit more and catch up on sleep.”
Jiang Yinghan was caught off guard by this sudden decision, “Are you still upset about what happened yesterday?”
Jiang Mu didn’t respond, only shaking her head in silence.
Jiang Yinghan grew impatient, “Who doesn’t go home for the New Year?”
Jiang Mu muttered, “I can just go back to my dad’s place. It’s the same.”
Jiang Yinghan’s temper flared, “That’s your dad’s home with someone else. Is it really your home? I feel like whatever I say now, you just don’t listen anymore!”
Jiang Mu’s nose turned red, and after holding back for a while, she finally replied, “How much of what I say do you actually listen to…?”
Just as Jiang Yinghan was about to lose her temper, Chris stepped in to mediate. He said that Jiang Mu looked quite exhausted and hadn’t slept well. If she didn’t want to go back, they shouldn’t force her; they didn’t want to tire her out.
The car was almost ready to leave, but Jiang Mu insisted on staying in Tonggang. In the end, Jiang Yinghan had no choice but to leave for the train station with Chris.
Meanwhile, Jiang Mu walked alone, carrying her bag and dragging her luggage towards Jin Qiang’s house. It was difficult to get a cab on New Year’s Eve, so she walked for a long while. Her mood remained gloomy, and this was probably the first time in 18 years she would be spending the New Year away from home, all alone. The shops along the street were closed, and although many had posted “Fu” characters and Spring Festival couplets on their doors, there was hardly anyone left wandering the streets. The farther she walked, the more she felt a sense of desolation.
Yet, even so, she preferred this to going back to Suzhou with them. Ever since she heard that her mother planned to sell the house and leave everything behind to run off with Chris, Jiang Mu had developed some resentment towards him. The thought of spending two awkward days with Chris made her feel that staying alone at Jin Qiang’s house would be much more comfortable.
She didn’t know how long she had been walking, but eventually, a taxi pulled up beside her and asked where she was going. She got in and gave the driver the address to Jin Qiang’s place.
It had only been a day since she left here, and now she was back. She hoisted her backpack and dragged her luggage up to the fifth floor, gasping for breath by the time she reached the door. The door opened to the same scene she had left yesterday. Jin Qiang and the others must have been spending these days at Zhao Meijuan’s place.
Jiang Mu couldn’t be bothered to take her luggage out. She just left her suitcase at the door and collapsed onto the bed.
Maybe she was just too tired, both physically and mentally drained. She didn’t feel like moving at all. It was as though she had fallen asleep, but her mind was racing, like scenes in a movie playing one by one.
The night of the heavy rain when she and Jin Chao parted ways at the age of nine kept repeating in her mind. Time seemed to rewind to that night, and from that night on, their lives had gone in entirely different directions.
She stayed in the south, he was in the north.
She fought for her grades; he struggled for survival.
Her world was simple, consisting of only school and home, while his world was filled with chaos from the moment he opened his eyes.
She couldn’t understand what else there was to worry about besides bad test scores and lack of sleep.
But he had already fallen into the harsh realities of life, betrayed by society, experiencing the cruelty of human relationships, walking on thin ice, surrounded by enemies.
The twenty-year mortgage, the never-ending medical bills… Jin Chao still hadn’t told her the most brutal truth: the unjust civil compensation he was burdened with. This, perhaps, was why he refused to let her stop.
“What does it matter if life hangs by a thread? When you’ve already lost everything, what’s there to fear about hanging on the thread?”
This phrase kept echoing in her mind, making her heart feel as though it was being pierced over and over again by countless needles.
How many times had she wanted to understand what was hidden in Jin Chao’s calm eyes? But when she truly grasped the emptiness in them, it felt as though her flesh and bones were being violently torn away along with it.
Unknowingly, it had started snowing outside the window. The snowflakes piled up, turning everything into a vast white expanse. There were no people in the streets anymore. Every household gathered together in reunion, and on this special day, whether rich or poor, nothing stopped them from joyfully welcoming the new year with their families.
When Jiang Mu woke up, the room was pitch black. She sat on the edge of the bed in a daze for a while, staring at the heavy snow outside that painted the night in a pale, almost ghostly hue. For a moment, she felt disoriented, as if the world had shifted beneath her.
Her phone displayed several group text messages, one of which was from Dr. Li at the veterinary hospital. Jiang Mu replied, wishing him a Happy New Year, and also asking if there would be anyone at the hospital tomorrow. Could she visit Lightning? Dr. Li told her that there would be someone on duty until 4 p.m., so she should come early if she wanted to visit.
After finally arranging something for the next day, Jiang Mu felt a bit lost. She was hungry, so she tore open a packet of cookies from the drawer but didn’t know what to do after that.
She didn’t feel like watching the New Year’s gala on TV, nor did she want to scroll through her phone to see the festive posts. It felt a bit depressing to even think about reading or doing homework on this day.
So, she sat on the edge of the bed, nibbling on cookies, staring blankly at the large dartboard hanging on the wall. The three darts were still stuck in the center of the bullseye, just as they had been since the first day she came here. She stared at the darts for a while, wondering if it was Jin Chao who had thrown them there.
She got out of bed, took the three darts down, and returned to the edge of the bed. She aimed at the bullseye and threw one dart. It missed, hitting the wall and falling to the floor. She tried the other two, and only one landed on the outer ring. It was harder than she had imagined.
She walked over, picked them up, and stood back on the bed to try again. She repeated this over and over, somehow managing to play alone for half an hour. Eventually, she grew bored and decided to throw all three darts at once. One of them grazed the dartboard and stuck into the wall. Jiang Mu quickly jumped off the bed to retrieve it, noticing a small hole left behind. Though it was barely visible, she still felt a pang of guilt. She reached out to press the tiny hole, but her elbow accidentally bumped the dartboard. The dartboard, hanging on a single nail, wobbled and then fell off the wall with a clatter.
With a “clatter,” several letters scattered across the floor. The room was dimly lit, and Jiang Mu stood frozen by the wall, staring at the familiar envelopes. It felt as though she had been suddenly hurled from a valley into the sky, her heart racing as she covered her face in shock and slowly crouched down.
The envelopes before her featured a grumpy-looking rogue rabbit, a child swinging on a broken swing, and delicate purple flowers with a fresh, artistic touch. Each envelope was one she had agonized over before choosing.
Jiang Mu had lived in this room for over half a year, yet she had never known that behind the dartboard there were so many letters, and every single one was from her.
That year, Jin Chao had stopped calling her. When she tried calling him, the number was no longer in service. They had completely lost contact.
Jiang Mu picked up the envelope with the sad-faced, chubby rabbit. It was the first letter she had ever written to someone. In fifth grade, her handwriting was still childish. In the letter, she had written: Brother, it’s been a long time since you called. I don’t know how to find you, so I’m trying to write you a letter. I hope you receive it.
Brother, have you started high school yet? I really want to know how you did on your high school entrance exam. You must have done great, right? Did you get into a top high school? Are you too busy with high school stuff to call me now?
Mom and I are moving. The old house has been sold, and Mom said we don’t need the old phone anymore. We might be moving into a rented place for now. Once I know the new address, I’ll write to you again.
……
Miss you, Mumu.
Jiang Mu held the letter, about to fold it back into the envelope when she noticed a pencil sketch on the back. It was a chubby-cheeked girl with two little buns on her head, lying on the ground, rolling around. She was certain it was drawn by Jin Chao. She had seen him draw before. She herself had never been good at drawing and back then, her people were always stick figures. Half of her kindergarten crafts and drawings had been done by Jin Chao. After he left, her biggest challenge for a long time was drawing for the school reports.
Unable to wait any longer, Jiang Mu opened another letter. She remembered this one was written after she moved into the new house. By then, she was in sixth grade. She had written: Brother, Mom, and I finally moved into our new house. It’s an apartment with an elevator! We’re on the 12th floor. There’s a big garden downstairs with swings and slides. It’s super, super pretty. I really wish you could come back, but you must be super busy with schoolwork now, right?
I’m starting middle school next year. I have a lot of homework and tutoring classes too, but don’t worry. Mom says the middle school in our district is pretty good. She just hopes I can get into the advanced class with a good score, so I have to work hard.
If I do well, can you come visit me during the summer after graduation?
The new address is…
Miss you, Mumu.
Over the course of that year, she had sent him many letters. Some were filled with rambling thoughts, some with the trivial worries of a young girl. She wrote about her studies, her life, and how much she missed him. On the back of every letter she sent, Jin Chao had left a pencil sketch. In his drawings, she gradually grew from the little girl rolling on the ground into a young woman. He had never seen what she looked like later, so every drawing was his imagined version of her.
The last letter was written when she graduated from sixth grade: Chao hao, this is the last letter I’ll write to you. You’ve never written back, and I feel like I’m writing to the air. I’m starting middle school soon. I’ll have new classmates and make more friends. So, this is it.
……
I will never miss you again, Mumu.
Jiang Mu eagerly flipped the letter over. This time, there was no drawing. In the bottom right corner of the back, there was only a line of text: Sorry, missing you, Chao Chao.
Jiang Mu’s tears burst forth as she read those strong, determined words. She clutched the letter tightly, all her emotions flooding out uncontrollably from her chest.
She threw on her coat and ran out the door. The streets were empty, buried under a blanket of snow. She trudged through the snow, one heavy step after another, heading toward Tongren. Snowflakes landed on her hair, her eyelashes, her shoulders, but she didn’t feel cold at all. Instead, a fire seemed to burn inside her, making her body feel as if it were boiling with blood and heat.
Her hopeful letters had not been lost. He had received them all, and for each one, he had drawn a picture of how he imagined her, keeping them all this time. She hadn’t been alone in her feelings, nor had her longing been one-sided. He had thought of her too, all these years, holding onto her just as she had held onto him.
Snowflakes danced around her as Jiang Mu wiped away tears of joy, then broke into a silly laugh. She bent down, scooped up a handful of snow, and tossed it into the air. The light, delicate flakes swirled around her like glowing fairies illuminating her vibrant eyes. The empty street was hers alone, unbothered by the cold or the difficult path. She slipped and fell but got right back up, feeling no pain, only exhilaration. Even the old residential buildings, the weathered stone pavilion, and the long-frozen, unused fountain seemed lovely to her.
The distance, which wasn’t short, felt like nothing to Jiang Mu. Her mind was filled with images of Jin Chao throughout the years, holding her hand, feeding her, wrestling with her on the floor. She remembered crying because of him, only to be comforted by his embrace. She once asked him, “Brother, will you always be good to Mu Mu?”
He replied, “As long as you don’t change, I won’t change either.”
As she approached Tongren, her steps grew lighter, and she even began to run. From a distance, she saw that the rolling shutter of Speed Auto Shop was closed. Her heart sank. Today was New Year’s Eve. Of course, everyone would be with their families, having the reunion dinner. Had Jin Chao gone to be with Jin Qiang and the others?
Jiang Mu slowed her pace and pulled out her phone. Should she call him? But what if he was at Jin Xin’s grandmother’s house? What should she do then?
She left a long trail of footprints in the snow as she walked up to Speed Auto Shop’s entrance. The excitement that had surged through her began to settle. Everyone was probably having their reunion dinner now. Would it be inappropriate to call Jin Chao? Would she be interrupting their family reunion?
Jiang Mu crouched down, leaning against the rolling shutter door, finally feeling the cold seep in. Just as she was lost in hesitation and worry, she suddenly heard San Lai’s unmistakable distinctive, mischievous laughter coming from the pet shop next door. Startled, she quickly stood up and walked over to San Lai’s shop, knocking on the shutter door and calling out, “Brother San Lai!”
There was silence for a few seconds, and then the shutter door was abruptly pulled open. Warm air from the hot pot and the lively sounds of laughter rushed out. San Lai looked at Jiang Mu from head to toe and exclaimed, “Am I seeing things? Didn’t you go back to Suzhou?”
Jiang Mu’s face, red from the cold, lit up with a bright, radiant smile. “Happy New Year,” she said, then tilted her head to peek inside. On the first floor of the pet shop, a table was set up with a hot pot bubbling away. Jin Fengzi and Tie Gongji were both there.
Her gaze swept past them and landed on Jin Chao, who was sitting at the far end. He was wearing a black sweater, lounging in a recliner. The steam from the hot pot made his figure appear slightly blurred. When he heard her clear, cheerful “Happy New Year,” he turned his head. His eyes, which had been lazily half-closed, suddenly sparked with light, a gleam reflecting in them as he looked at Jiang Mu.