Jiang Mu felt like she hadn’t slept for long, just dozed off for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, Jin Chao’s jacket was draped over her. She sat up and looked through the windshield to see him standing at the edge of the cliff. The eastern horizon was just beginning to glow, casting a soft glow on his tall, slender figure.
She watched him quietly for a while until he turned around. One in the car, the other by the cliff, the faint light outlined his silhouette as he walked toward her.
On the way back, neither of them spoke a word. Their conversation had ended in a stalemate. Jin Chao hadn’t made the promise she wanted, and Jiang Mu was deeply unsettled.
Before the sky fully brightened, Jin Chao drove the car back to the shop’s backyard through a small path. He parked it there and switched to San Lai’s car to take Jiang Mu back to Jin Qiang’s place.
On the way, Jiang Mu’s phone rang. She answered it, spoke a few words, and hung up. Staring at the cold, quiet streets of the early morning, she said to Jin Chao, “My mom’s in Tonggang.”
Jin Chao’s eyes remained fixed on the road ahead, his expression unreadable, but his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. It wasn’t until he dropped Jiang Mu off at the entrance of Jin Qiang’s building and watched her walk toward the stairwell that he suddenly got out of the car and called out to her retreating figure, “Where is she? I’ll take you there.”
Jiang Mu turned around and told him, “Liyuan Hotel. Do you know it?”
Jin Chao nodded.
“I’ll go up and get my luggage.”
The next day was New Year’s Eve. Early in the morning, Jin Qiang took Zhao Meijuan and Jin Xin to his in-laws’ house to celebrate the New Year. The house was decorated with Spring Festival couplets, but it was empty and cold.
After entering the house, Jiang Mu went straight to her room to pack her things. Jiang Yinghan had booked a room at Liyuan Hotel and asked her to bring her luggage and meet her there.
The house was quiet. Jin Chao sat in the living room, idly tapping his lighter against the table. After a while, he suddenly asked, “Are you leaving right after?”
Jiang Mu wasn’t planning to bring many clothes, just packing the necessary materials into her suitcase. Her voice came from the room, “Tomorrow morning.”
Jin Chao didn’t ask anything else.
She wheeled her suitcase out of the room, and Jin Chao stood up, took the suitcase, and headed downstairs. Jiang Mu locked the door behind her and followed.
Liyuan Hotel was one of the larger hotels near the train station. Jin Chao drove to a nearby street, got out of the car, and took the luggage out of the trunk.
Jiang Mu lowered her gaze, took the luggage, and quickly glanced at Jin Chao. “Do you want to… go over and say hello?”
Jin Chao’s expression remained calm as he lowered his eyelids. “No.”
Then he looked in the direction of Liyuan Hotel and said to her, “You go ahead.”
Jiang Mu had guessed that he didn’t want to see Jiang Yinghan, so she wheeled her suitcase and walked toward the hotel with her backpack on. After a few steps, she turned back and saw that Jin Chao had already gotten into the car and driven away.
Her mood was still heavy. They had argued before she left, and now, during the New Year, her departure felt anything but pleasant.
Jiang Mu pushed her luggage into Liyuan Hotel and met Jiang Yinghan and Chris. Chris was quite enthusiastic, helping her settle her luggage and asking how her life had been recently.
Jiang Yinghan, on the other hand, complained a few words, “The air here is so dry. Remember to use more moisturizer, and don’t skip sunscreen just because you’re sleeping in. Your face will get all dry.”
After a while, she added, “This morning, after getting off the train, your Uncle Chris and I had breakfast nearby. It was some kind of porridge, but I couldn’t even tell what it was. It looked so unappetizing, just like the stuff your dad used to make.”
Jiang Yinghan had occasionally made comments like this before, often tying something negative back to Jin Qiang. In the past, Jiang Mu hadn’t thought much of it and had grown used to it.
But now, hearing it felt different. Whether it was Jiang Yinghan’s criticism of Jin Qiang or her disdain for this place, it all made Jiang Mu uncomfortable.
When she had first arrived, she hadn’t been used to it either, feeling that nothing here was as good as back home. But over time, she had come to understand that Zhao Meijuan and the others didn’t shower every day not because they were unclean, but because the climate here was dry. In the summer, as long as you aren’t out in the scorching sun, you don’t sweat much, unlike in Suzhou, where the humidity can make you feel sticky even if you are just sitting at home.
As for the food, the porridge that Jiang Yinghan had dismissed as unappetizing was something Jiang Mu had often seen San Lai eat. Once, San Lai had even shared some with her. Although the taste wasn’t something she was used to, it wasn’t as bad as it seemed.
After they took Jiang Mu’s luggage to the room, they soon took her downstairs for a meal.
On the first floor of Liyuan Hotel, there was a street-facing Chinese restaurant with floor-to-ceiling windows. Jiang Yinghan and Chris ordered a table full of dishes.
Jiang Mu sat across from them, silently observing her mother. She was wearing clothes Jiang Mu had never seen before, a ring on her finger that she didn’t recognize, and even her hair had been cut short. This surprised Jiang Mu a bit. In her memory, Jiang Yinghan had never had short hair. Whether it was an updo or braids, her hair had always been meticulously styled. Seeing her like this now felt strange.
Perhaps it was because of the new hairstyle, but Jiang Mu noticed that Jiang Yinghan had lost some weight since the last time they met. Even Chris’s hair seemed thinner, making him look more like an old foreign man. Jiang Mu couldn’t understand what her mother saw in him, was it his big belly or his lack of hair?
After the food arrived, Chris asked her in his heavily accented Chinese what she usually liked to eat. He told her that he also knew how to cook some dishes and that she could try them sometime if she had the chance.
Jiang Mu responded half-heartedly. Jiang Yinghan could sense that her daughter wasn’t in high spirits and asked, “Do you have a lot of homework? Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If you don’t do well on the exams, you can always come to Melbourne. We’ve already looked into schools for you.”
For the next ten minutes or so, Jiang Yinghan talked about the schools in Australia and urged Jiang Mu to find time to take the IELTS exam, among other things.
Jiang Mu listened absentmindedly. It wasn’t until Jiang Yinghan mentioned returning to Suzhou the next day that she brought up having arranged to meet with a real estate agent and a few potential buyers after the fourth day of the New Year. If everything went well, the shopfront and house could be sold shortly after the holiday.
At this, Jiang Mu suddenly snapped back to attention, finding it hard to accept. “You’re selling the house? Why are you selling it?”
Jiang Yinghan hadn’t expected her daughter to react so strongly and simply explained, “When I visited your Uncle Chris’s place this time, I found the environment really nice. The air is fresh, and it’s convenient to drive into the city for shopping. It’s a great place to retire and live comfortably. Since I’ve decided to settle in Melbourne, I need to have some money on hand.”
Jiang Mu frowned, worried. “But if you sell the house, what if someday…”
She glanced at Chris and suddenly stopped speaking. Jiang Yinghan could guess what she was about to say and shot her a stern look.
Chris, however, was tactful. He stood up and said he was going to the lobby to ask if the hotel had a swimming pool, as he had a habit of swimming every day.
As soon as Chris left, Jiang Mu couldn’t hold back anymore and blurted out, “Mom, why are you selling the house? How long have you ever been with him? If you sell the house and things don’t work out, where will you live when you come back?”
Jiang Yinghan only replied, “This isn’t something you need to worry about. Focus on your studies.”
“I don’t agree.”
In Jiang Mu’s eyes, her mother had not only found a foreign old man whose background was unclear, but after just one trip to Australia with him, she was now planning to sell the house. This whole situation seemed off to her, and she even suspected that Chris might be some kind of scammer, either after her mother’s money or using some kind of manipulative tactics like PUA.
Jiang Yinghan was firm on this matter, “I know you don’t like Chris, but my decisions don’t require your approval.”
Jiang Mu slammed her chopsticks down on the table. She felt a deep sense of disappointment in her mother. They had relied on each other for nine years, and now, just because Chris had entered the picture, her mother seemed to treat her like an outsider, disregarding her feelings and insisting on selling the house.
“There’s nothing to discuss. This trip to Australia was to check out the environment and see if it was suitable. If it is, I’ve already planned to come back and handle the sale of the house. Bringing you back to Suzhou for the New Year is so we can spend some time together as a family before the house is sold.”
Jiang Mu’s tone was sharp, “But haven’t you thought about it? If the house is sold, we won’t have a home anymore. What if I don’t go abroad? Where will I go then?”
Jiang Yinghan emphasized, “I’m planning to sell the house, but that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you. Whether you come with me to Melbourne or stay in China for school, you’ll be living on campus during university. After you graduate and decide where to settle, I’ll set aside some money for you. You don’t need to worry about this.”
Jiang Mu retorted, “Do you think I’m after your money? I’m worried that Chris might be scamming you.”
Hearing Jiang Mu’s true thoughts, Jiang Yinghan snapped, “I don’t want to hear you say things like that again. This conversation is over. Chris may not speak Chinese fluently, but he can understand. Watch what you say.”
After speaking, Jiang Yinghan picked up her water glass and slowly turned her gaze to the window. The area around Tonggang Train Station was always bustling with all sorts of people. Motorized rickshaws were parked in groups by the roadside, their drivers asking passengers with large bags where they were headed. Beneath the dusty signs of street food stalls, steam rose from bamboo steamers. Pedestrians, bundled up like dumplings, hurried past, some in old cotton-padded jackets shopping for New Year’s goods. The ground was littered with firecracker debris from the night before, trampled underfoot and scattered by the wind. Occasionally, a long-discontinued domestic car would drive by. There was no trace of urban sophistication here, just congestion, chaos, and noise, the entire street brimming with the raw energy of everyday life.
Jiang Yinghan, dressed in a soft cashmere coat, gazed out the window, her eyes wandering aimlessly over the scene. Jiang Mu didn’t know what her mother was thinking, but at that moment, Jiang Yinghan put down her glass and stared at a man across the street. She suddenly stood up and said, “Is that Jin Chao?”
Hearing this, Jiang Mu quickly turned to look. The man across the street had already turned and walked away the moment Jiang Yinghan spotted him. Jiang Mu only caught a glimpse of a hurried figure, but she immediately recognized Jin Chao’s jacket, the same black one that had been draped over her that morning.
Hadn’t he already driven away? Why had he come back? Why hadn’t he told her? Why had he been standing alone across the street? Who had he been watching? It couldn’t have been her. There was only one possibility, he had come back to catch a glimpse of Jiang Yinghan, even if it was from a distance, silently.
A wave of emotion surged within Jiang Mu, and without thinking, she rushed out of the restaurant. But by the time she reached the street, Jin Chao was nowhere to be seen.
Jiang Yinghan followed closely behind, demanding, “How did he know we were staying here?”
Jiang Mu’s eyes were still scanning the street. “He brought me here.”
Jiang Yinghan’s voice grew sharp and strained. “Why were you with him? Didn’t your father promise me that Jin Chao wouldn’t come back to live during the year you are here?”
Jiang Mu slowly turned her gaze back to her mother, “Why? Why can’t he come back to live with us?”
Jiang Yinghan replied sternly, “What kind of sense does it make for a grown girl like you to live with a young man? You should keep your distance from him.”
Jiang Mu said irrationally, “How can you say that? He’s Jin Chao!”
Jiang Yinghan hadn’t expected her daughter to react so strongly. She spoke bluntly, “I told you before we came here that he’s not your brother. You share no blood relation. At your age, can’t you understand what that means? He’s not a good person.”
Jiang Mu’s chest tightened, her eyes reddening. “Why are you saying this about him? Whether we share blood or not, he’s not an outsider.”
Jiang Yinghan let out a cold snort, watching her daughter’s emotional outburst over that boy. She hesitated for a moment, then finally delivered the harsh words, “He’s an ex-convict.”
The wind howled, and the air turned icy.
Jiang Yinghan continued mercilessly, “Do you know he’s been to prison? He’s not an outsider? Our family has never had criminals like him.”
Jiang Mu’s eyelashes trembled, her voice strained as she forced out the words, “I know.”
Jiang Yinghan was taken aback and said, “You know? Did your father tell you? If you knew, why are you still associating with him? Where is your common sense?”
Jiang Mu’s throat tightened as if a dam were about to burst. She spoke slowly, word by word, “He’s not an ex-convict.”
Jiang Yinghan hadn’t expected Jiang Mu to be so protective of Jin Chao even after knowing about his past. Her anger flared, and her voice rose sharply, “If he’s not an ex-convict, then what is he? I’ve always said that boy was trouble. He’s been bold since he was a kid, fearless and reckless. It was only a matter of time before something happened. Back then, he called our house multiple times, and I warned him. I didn’t want you two to have any contact. Wasn’t I right? When that life-threatening incident happened, your father had the nerve to call me and ask for money to keep him out of jail. Ridiculous. I’m telling you, a boy like that needs to suffer a bit behind bars, or he’ll never learn fear.”
The cold wind swept through, leaving the trees bare. The biting chill felt like knives against Jiang Mu’s face. She stood frozen, staring at Jiang Yinghan. “What did you say?”
Jiang Yinghan tightened her coat and said to Jiang Mu, “Let’s go inside.”
With that, she turned and walked toward the hotel. Jiang Mu rushed in front of her, blocking her path and demanding, “He reached out to me before? What did you warn him about?”
Jiang Yinghan replied impatiently, “What could I have warned him about? I told him to know his place. You were in middle school by then, not a little kid anymore. What kind of impression would that give?”
Jiang Mu clenched her teeth, her fists tightening at her sides, her breathing growing more rapid. “After Jin Chao got into trouble, Dad came to you? Why didn’t you help him?”
“How could I help him? He said he needed 100,000 yuan to settle with the family and get them to drop the charges. Not to mention that when your father and I divorced, he didn’t even leave me with 100,000 yuan. After he left, I didn’t see a single cent of child support. I raised you all by myself, and now he expects me to bail that boy out? How could that be?”
Jiang Mu’s blood boiled, her emotions surging as she blurted out, “But if you had helped him through that difficult time back then, he could have taken the college entrance exam. He wouldn’t have ended up like this…”
“Why should I help him?” Jiang Yinghan interrupted Jiang Mu forcefully.
“I told your dad back then, he should be punished by the law if he did something wrong, and learn his lesson.”
“What about me?” Jiang Mu’s face turned pale, her lips trembling.
“If I made a mistake, and you knew you could protect me, would you still send me in yourself?”
Jiang Yinghan’s voice became stern, “You’re my daughter, did I carry him for ten months in my womb? Why should I have any obligation toward him? I’ll tell you right now, he still has a lot of civil compensation left unpaid. Stay away from him.”
After saying that, Jiang Yinghan turned and strode into the hotel. The cold wind kept rushing in from all directions, and Jiang Mu just stood there, her mind overwhelmed by a flood of images.
“I am not disappointed in you. If there is, it’s for only one reason, you cut off contact with me.”
“How could you understand? If you could understand, you wouldn’t have refused to come back to see me all these years.”
“So… is this the reason you didn’t come back to see me? Are you blaming us? Blaming Mom for making Dad leave with nothing? You hate her, don’t you?”
Facing her repeated questions, Jin Chao’s ambiguous expression, his silent demeanor, the bitter yet indifferent curve of his lips, every detail was magnified in Jiang Mu’s mind. It was as if, at this moment, she understood everything.
He didn’t try to defend himself, even though she had blamed him more than once for breaking his promises. Jin Chao didn’t offer any explanation, because he knew how much Jiang Mu cared about this matter. Once he told her the truth, she would blame Jiang Yinghan.
Even so, he had chosen to preserve the harmonious relationship between her and Jiang Yinghan. If Jiang Mu hadn’t understood why he would do this before, after seeing him standing across the street just to silently catch a glimpse of Jiang Yinghan, she suddenly seemed to grasp something.
He had been brought home by Jin Qiang when he was just over two years old. At two, he could already recognize people and knew that Jiang Yinghan wasn’t his biological mother. But at such a young age, his understanding of the world was just beginning. There must have been nights when he woke up startled, times when he fell and got hurt, and moments when he relied on adults for comfort. Before Jiang Mu came into this world, it was Jiang Yinghan who had raised him. She was the only female figure in Jin Chao’s life from his earliest memories to his adolescence. He had spent ten years by her side. Jiang Mu had never considered Jin Chao’s feelings toward Jiang Yinghan, but now, at this moment, she suddenly felt the bitterness and struggle that had lingered in Jin Chao’s heart for so many years.
This was something that Zhao Meijuan, who came later, could never replace. Jiang Yinghan had been a unique presence in Jin Chao’s most vulnerable childhood, giving him his only fantasy of what a mother could be. She had once been his mother too!
While Jiang Mu had longed for her father and wished for that role to reappear in her life, hadn’t Jin Chao also hoped that his mother could be by his side?
Jiang Mu tilted her head back, tears streaming down the corners of her eyes. The sky was covered in thick, gray clouds, pressing down on her chest endlessly.